Ok, so I lost track of time and forgot about those 35 Questions until today. Ready, set, back at it!
What are your values and are you being true to them? Write down the 3 most important aspects of each of these areas: family, romantic relationships, friends, work, health, sex and spirituality. These are your values. When we don’t act congruently with what we value, symptoms of discomfort arise.
This is an easy one for me. The three most important aspects of my life in order of importance are my spirituality, my family and my job. My life is definitely less stressful and more calm when I make decisions based on these aspects that I value. When someone or something in my life does not “fit in” to my values, I am more apt to be unfocused and depressed.
At the beginning of 2013, I had a major life change when I ended a three-year relationship with my boy friend. For three years, he fit in well with my values but eventually we stopped being “in love” and were more friends than anything. Neither of us was willing or ready to relocate in order to be together for the long-term. While we had great love and respect for each, our values changed. Our relationship was not a top priority to either of us. It was time to move on.
At first I was sad about my decision but when I put it in the perspective of what I value – God, family, and work – I can see that it .was the best decision for me. I have had a basic plan for my life for about 10 years now. I will continue teaching in Virginia until retirement (5-6 years away) and then move back to PA (my “home”) to be closer to my parents as they got older. I plan to continue working in education in PA even if it is as a secretary or substitute teacher. I cannot imagine doing anything else (Although I started working part-time in a winery six months ago and enjoy it!)
Will that plan change? It might because of extenuating circumstances but it will not change because I change my values. In order to continue a long-term relationship with my ex boy friend, I would have had to change the things that are a priority me. While the break up was sad, it wasn’t stressful once it was done. Staying in the relationship and compromising my values would have been stressful.